Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
