Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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