just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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