The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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