we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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