omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
