I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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