Don't make out with my wife yet
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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