Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
