So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
