I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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