I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
