Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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