This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
