I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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