Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
