I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
