i just had sex bonerless
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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