pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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