Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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