We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
