If that was your dad, he is hot
wanna go halves on a baby?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
