Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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