You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
