I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
