Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
