if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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