Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
