Im at strip club and am horny
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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