Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
