i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
