Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
