yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
