I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
