thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
