even my farts smell like vagina
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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