is your mom at the bar?
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
