whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
