remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
