I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
