Why are handjobs necessary in class?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
