remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
