i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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