remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
