If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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