He kissed a someone with a penis
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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