He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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