six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
