I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
