Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Randomize
