YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
